I am in a very odd place with friendships these days. A person with whom I have had a relationship since I was 14 years old, and considered a "best friend" had a big fight last Labor Day - he was very abusive to my 15 year old dog - and we have not spoken in almost a year. And the truth is, I really think that friendship is over. If you had told me the day before last Labor Day that my friendship with Kelly would end the next day, I wouldn't have believed it possible. But it did, and it has remained over with, and, honestly, I think it's for the best. I would accept an apology from him, but I would not start our friendship back up, because I have come to realize that the relationship was very co-dependent. I don't miss him at all, and that is a weird feeling.
Other friendships have passed away, too. People have moved far away, and those relationships can only be continue if both parties are determined to maintain them. Steven and I are doing this, we talk on the phone and catch up. I hope that our friendship will always continue. With others, the calls and promises to come visit have slowly become less frequent.
Being a person with AIDS and on disability makes friendships harder, too. I don't have the kind of income that many of my contemporaries have - and I no longer have a car - so, I don't go out much anymore. I don't get invited to parties or gatherings, and I don't throw them myself. Being out in a gay bar is very lonely experience. It's not that people don't like me - I am well-known, and fairly well-thought-of around town in different circles - I think it's a class thing. People prefer friends of their own socio-economic status, I think, which - while understandable - is something that makes me sad.
I have made some new friends, though, in recent times. I have a couple of buddies to go to movies with on the weekends. And a lovely new friend with a common interest in playwriting. And of course, there is my dog.
Sometimes I think that maybe I'm just being whiny. Other times, I think that I am just heinous, and nobody should ever talk to me.
Facebook friends are a whole other phenonema. That subject requires its own post.
When I think about friendships, I always flash on Billy Joel's song "Say Goodbye to Hollywood", and lyrics he wrote:
Movin' on is a chance you take
Any time you try to stay - together
Say a word out of line
And you find that the friends you had
Are gone forever
Forever
So many faces in and out of my life
Some will last
Some will just be now and then
Life is a series of hellos and goodbyes
I'm afraid it's time for goodbye again
Say goodbye to Hollywood
Say goodbye, my baby
Say goodbye to Hollywood
Say goodbye, my baby
Any time you try to stay - together
Say a word out of line
And you find that the friends you had
Are gone forever
Forever
So many faces in and out of my life
Some will last
Some will just be now and then
Life is a series of hellos and goodbyes
I'm afraid it's time for goodbye again
Say goodbye to Hollywood
Say goodbye, my baby
Say goodbye to Hollywood
Say goodbye, my baby
Good post!
ReplyDeleteFriendships are hard, period. I don't think it is limited to HIV as just about everyone feels this way.
I concur though people tend to focus in on 'class', alas.
Can relate to so much of your post here.
ReplyDelete"Being out in a gay bar is a very lonely experience." So very true. I think being alone in any gay gathering can be so crushingly lonely, so I tend to avoid for fear of re-experiencing that devastation.
And btw, I totally empathise with your feelings of protection towards your furry friend.
I too can relate to your sentiments. Greg and I have precious little extra cash so doing things with friends like going to bars and restaurants, or going to shows just doesn't happen for us. It's uncomfortable for us to spend money we can't afford, and uncomfortable for them to put us in that position. So the friendship wanes as a result of our economic inequality.
ReplyDeleteMy motto ''Friendship is purely voluntary''.
ReplyDeleteHello Uncle Mark!
Oh, Lordie! We were at a bar a couple weeks back, first time in ages. And we met some guy who talked too much, and at some point, he said that he didn't go to a certain place because he was "allergic to poverty." The good part of the story is that I didn't have to waste any more time trying to decide if was an asshole or not.
ReplyDeleteI may not be in your life daily, but consider you a friend!
ReplyDeleteGo for quality, most of all love yourself first and attract others from there. Those who are attracted to the love (not the cash) are the friends we all need.
Some of my blogging friends will always be some of my most heartfelt friends. They were there when I began my journey coming out. How lucky I was to have you!! I am really looking forward to meeting you when I get to Portland Labor Day weekend.
ReplyDelete