Life Is A Series of Hellos and Goodbyes

My blog buddy Urspo did a post on friendship the other day, which inspired me to do one myself.

I am in a very odd place with friendships these days.  A person with whom I have had a relationship since I was 14 years old, and considered a "best friend" had a big fight last Labor Day - he was very abusive to my 15 year old dog -  and we have not spoken in almost a year.  And the truth is, I really think that friendship is over. If you had told me the day before last Labor Day that my friendship with Kelly would end the next day, I wouldn't have believed it possible.  But it did, and it has remained over with, and, honestly, I think it's for the best.  I would accept an apology from him, but I would not start our friendship back up, because I have come to realize that the relationship was very co-dependent.  I don't miss him at all, and that is a weird feeling.

Other friendships have passed away, too. People have moved far away, and those relationships can only be continue if both parties are determined to maintain them.  Steven and I are doing this, we talk on the phone and catch up.  I hope that our friendship will always continue.  With others, the calls and promises to come visit have slowly become less frequent.

Being a person with AIDS and on disability makes friendships harder, too.  I don't have the kind of income that many of my contemporaries have - and I no longer have a car - so, I don't go out much anymore. I don't get invited to parties or gatherings, and I don't throw them myself.  Being out in a gay bar is very lonely experience.  It's not that people don't like me - I am well-known, and fairly well-thought-of around town in different circles - I think it's a class thing.  People prefer friends of their own socio-economic status, I think, which - while understandable - is something that makes me sad.

I have made some new friends, though, in recent times.  I have a couple of buddies to go to movies with on the weekends.  And a lovely new friend with a common interest in playwriting.  And of course, there is my dog.

Sometimes I think that maybe I'm just being whiny. Other times, I think that I am just heinous, and nobody should ever talk to me.

Facebook friends are a whole other phenonema.  That subject requires its own post.

When I think about friendships, I always flash on Billy Joel's song "Say Goodbye to Hollywood", and lyrics he wrote:

 Movin' on is a chance you take
Any time you try to stay - together
Say a word out of line
And you find that the friends you had
Are gone forever
Forever

So many faces in and out of my life
Some will last
Some will just be now and then
Life is a series of hellos and goodbyes
I'm afraid it's time for goodbye again
Say goodbye to Hollywood
Say goodbye, my baby
Say goodbye to Hollywood
Say goodbye, my baby 

A Gentleman Caller

Had a nice weekend.  My fuckbuddy friend from Seattle came down to visit, and we partied and played Friday night, and then slept in on Saturday before getting up (after another bout) and hitting breakfast and then yard sales.  It was most pleasant to sleep with someone in my bed, it had been awhile.

Sunday was mostly just relaxing with books and dvds and my dog. I had to douse him with Advantage, so now he feels better.  Damn fleas.

I'm reading a collection of essays by Tennessee Williams.  He's not only a great playwright, but a terrific essayist.  He might be my favorite playwright, someone I'd love to emulate.

The new Broadway revival of South Pathetic Pacific opens tomorrow night.  I was in a production of that show long ago...6 shows a week for 10 weeks.  Yet I am looking forward to seeing this Lincoln Center touring production.

Hope you had a good weekend too, and continue to have a wonderful week!

Thus endeth the scintillating blog post.