Pagliacci & Carmina Burana

I saw the dress rehearsal Wednesday night, and I'm going again tonight for the opening.  I don't think I've ever enjoyed an opera more than this production of Pagliacci.  It's only about 70 minutes long, full of drama and action and a gorgeous score.  I really loved it!  When Canio launches into the Vesti la giubba at the end at the end of Act One, it was a real thrill.


The second half of the evening is Carl Orff's CARMINA BURANA which I had never seen, or even really heard, except for the iconic "O Fortuna" and the gorgeous "In Trutina" - click those links and listen!  The piece is interpreted by Portland modern dance company Bodyvox and is a thrilling companion to Pagliacci.  The idea is that Carmina Burana is what goes through Canio's mind as he stands over the bodies of Nedda and Silvio, whom he has just murdered.  It's all very brilliant.

Have a great weekend!

The End of RUSH = The End of an Era.

PWD, which produces and distributes RUSH poppers...has gone out of business.    Apparently, Joe Miller, who ran the company, committed suicide.  RUSH has been around since the early '70's, and I have been a fan for many (probably around 30) years.  I don't even want to think about how many bottles I have gone through.  If I had all those empty bottles still, they would probably fill up my entire apartment...or more.  Yet I still have a brain cell, or two, left.

A hit of RUSH simply puts my brain into "the sexy place".  I guess I'll have to figure out how to get to that "sexy place" - the place that gets me off - without RUSH from now on!  I don't much care for other brands of poppers.

It's not only RUSH that was produced and distributed by PWD...it's also LOCKER ROOM (very famous name in poppers), QUICKSILVER, HARDWARE and others.  They are all pretty much the same, and they are far superior to any other brand.  The late Mr. Miller considered himself - as do I - a connoisseur of poppers, and always made sure his products were top-notch.  There are LOTS of knock-off bottles of RUSH out there; and in fact, here in Portland only ONE place sells genuine RUSH.  Every other place in town sells fake RUSH.

Oy, the changes I am going through these days!  No more sexy time with my little brown bottles of RUSH? 

I need to look at my astrological chart. 

But change can be very good, too, and I am just trying to remember to go with the flow....paddle in hand, to steer things in the direction that I want to go.

This weekend I will finally vacuum up the remainder of Jesse's fur that is on the carpet.  I have been resisting that chore.  I did go around on my hands on knees and pick up/save a bunch of it.  It still smells like him.  I have it in a plastic blag.

I know...these blog posts need to get more positive.  I'll lose all my many (4) readers!  I do appreciate you guys, and thanks for your comments.

Have a great weekend!

Reunion

This weekend was nice.  Two friends of mine who I haven't seen since the very early 90's both popped up at the same time here in Portland, so we ran around yesterday all day and all night.  Shopping, eating, gabbing, taking pictures, drinking, ogling the strippers at Silverado and singing karaoke.  It was really fun and I definitely needed a good time.

I picked up Jesse's ashes on Friday.  He came back to me in a very nice, sturdy wooden box, with his name on it.  It made me cry some, but, when I think about the whole thing, Jesse had a very good death.  It was not unexpected, it was peaceful, I got to spend plenty of time with him in the week beforehand.  So, I am at peace with the whole thing, and ready to move on.  It was oddly comforting to bring him back home, even though it was just his ashes.  Still miss the little guy greatly, guess I always will.

So now I will begin looking for a new apartment, my current place was really for Jesse, I don't need to live there anymore.  I'm going to look for a more urban place, maybe downtown Portland or very close in to work and theaters and such. I'm really looking forward to a change.

Next month I am taking a little vacation to Las Vegas, a place I have never been to before.  Looking forward to that.  We are gearing up for our production of Pagliacci/ Carmina Burana here at the opera.  Should be an amazing production. 

Other than all of that, life just goes on!  Hope you are well.

Goodbye, My Sweet Boy. Jesse Brown, 1995 - 2010

In September of 1995, I went to the Multnomah County Animal Shelter, and came home with the adorable puppy in the above photo.  He was eight weeks old, and I named him Jesse.

At the time, I was in the midst of a crippling depression, the kind where you just don't get out of bed.  Jesse changed all that.  There would be no more laying around depressed, the little bundle of sweetness and light was in need of training and love.  He was also full of energy, and so I had to rise to up to the challenge.  I had never had a pet of my own (though there were other wonderful dogs in my family growing up), and Jesse and I learned together as we started our 15 year relationship.

And what a relationship.  Unlike any other I've ever had.  We went everywhere together, and I always looked forward to coming home to him.  Such a sweet little guy.  All that love.

About a year ago, I noticed a lump on his belly. The vet said it was a "fatty deposit", something that wasn't really going to harm him or anything.  He'd never had any real health problems before.  Over the last year, the lump got bigger and bigger, until it was bigger than his head.  Two weeks ago I noticed that it was starting to weep fluid.  I took him to the vet, and it was decided that he needed to have the thing removed.  He had blood work done to make sure that he could safely undergo the removal surgery.

The blood work revealed that Jesse also had a progressive kidney disease.  His vet said that, while he could go ahead and have the growth removed, the kidney problem was only going to get worse and he would probably only live another six months or so, and that those would probably be a rough six months for Jesse. 

Last night, my sweet boy, my companion and love for the last fifteen years was put to sleep.  I had a week to say goodbye.  I cooked him hamburgers and fed him each piece.  I lay by his side and sang to him, petted him, reminisced and told him how much I loved him.  My friend Caleb took us to the vet, and I held him on my lap on the way there, and he kissed me.

The vet administered a sedative, and then a lethal dose of anesthesia.  Jesse died while I held him in my arms. 

Lying on the soft white dog's bed where Jesse passed away, he looked like he was asleep.  His eyes were closed, he did not void his bowels or bladder upon death.  It was incredibly hard to walk out of that room and away from that sweet, furry, still form that I have love for nearly a third of my life.

I walked out of the door, and felt a weird sense of...relief.  Relief that the process was complete.  And feeling relief caused me to also feel a lot of guilt...it just didn't seem like the right feeling.  I expected to be a sobbing mess.

This morning, the grief has really kicked in, in very intense waves.  It's something I haven't experienced before.  It comes unbidden and sudden.  Knowing that I did the right and humane thing for my sweet little guy doesn't really make it much better.

 I miss him so much already.  I'm alone in an empty apartment.  There is soft, black fur still on the carpet.  I am hesitant to vacuum it up.  His blue collar hangs on a doorknob.

I am trying to resist being maudlin, but that is how I feel.  Empty and lonely.  I know it's all normal and natural, and the knowing really doesn't help.

What has helped is all the amazing support and kindness of my friends, so much compassion has come my way over the last several days. This is the last photo I took of Jesse. 

I love you, Jesse.  I always will.  I miss you, Bubba Dog.  Thank you for sharing your short, beautiful life and all your love with me. I won't ever forget you. Goodbye, my sweet, sweet boy.